Too Heavy to Bear

I hear the whispers beyond the silence,

Venomous fangs ready to strike—to mock.

All for worship of visceral idols,

The chronic blindness of pitiful souls.

An eternal slumber of ignorance,

Endless bliss derived from tortured virtue—

Having no mercy for the weighty wretch,

All the blame is hers and not a thing more.

But how would you know secret agony

When you carry the accepted amount?

Never enslaved by own limitations,

Imprisoned by the Dealer’s fateful hand.

Do you feel lungs caged and gasping for air,

Yet only drowning in daggers and pain?

Does Death taunt and haunt your every effort,

Inflictions of laborious strife—not

The only source of an outcast’s torment,

Nor the barbed whispers or pestering gnats,

All biting and buzzing with baneful words.

Heaving solitude remains the cold curse

For the heavy—unaccepted Others.

Our only companions are the shadows

And the memories of past betrayals.

Inescapable fate I cannot flee—

Cystic demons ensnare my providence,

Expand my girth while I incinerate

Hopelessly to feel alive, to feel loved.

Perfection demanded and required

For worth at all considered by others.

A single fall from inches or stories—

My deadliest sin, thy condemnation.

Dry the yielding guilt from your face;

Not every shadow cast is full of darkness.

Though solitude remains ever constant,

‘Tis better than the company of snakes.

Eternal shield against faithless demons,

Guarding me from persecution endless,

Deterrent of all—an obese vessel—

Not ever desired; no lover’s touch.

How the heart’s river floods and slowly drowns

The bleeding soul waiting so patiently,

So fruitlessly for its single savior—

The imaginary hope, the end bliss.

Dreams of an electric touch, of warm chills,

Of a security within a soul

Not our own—the exclusive unity.

But who would want me, sacrifice for me?

Has God forsaken the stout disciples?

Does He know that we flee from gluttony?

We answer Your tests with difficult peace,

But our crosses drop, too heavy to bear.