Too Late

To my dearest little sister Ava,

I wake up, I run. Every day I run as far, fast, frantic as I can. I just want to- no- need to stop thinking. But the sun reminds me of you today. The rain reminded me of you yesterday. Tomorrow wind. That will remind me of you again. It's always happy thoughts at first. Then I'm crying. No more thinking. Just run. Run run run I always tell myself and then I remember you love running. No more running. Today at this point I stopped and sat on a bench. Across from the park of course. Watched a little girl conquer the monkey bars. Tears again and then I was off. Back home. I hate going home but where else can I go? Nowhere. I have nowhere to go. We always talked about running away and I wish I could but that would remind me of you too and nowhere. I still have nowhere to go. Who wants to go somewhere alone anyways? If I was with you I wouldn’t be alone. Mom just refilled her Codeine. That might do it but, Mom. The only reason I stay. She is worse off than me. We need you. Come back. I love you. We love you. I wish it wasn’t too late. I’m crying again. I need to run. 

Until tomorrow,

       your broken big sister, Mel