Too Much

For so long I have bought into my negative thoughts as they are on replay in my lizard brain

"I'm not pretty enough, I'm too plain, I'm too emotional, I'm too sensitive, I'm too needy, I'm too serious, I'm too everything.

I'm always going to be alone. I'll never find someone who finds me to be just right."

Nine years in and out of the dating world in this society hasn't helped cultivate positive thoughts or experiences to show me otherwise,

so it is up to me to change my thoughts and feelings about who I am and my journey and to look for evidence to show me that I am just right for a lot of

people and one day I will find my partner. I've been writing in my journal about what I am thankful for and I realize

every day I am writing about a person in my life I am thankful for, I have very true, genuine, heart felt connections with very important people

and these relationships are my evidence that I am just right for a lot of people in my life, my heart loves just right for them,

my emotions and connections make me real to them and they seek support from my sensitivity and I'm never alone. 

I am going to continue to be me in a world that has tried so hard to change my heart,

to change my soul and my thoughts about who I am and who I should be.

I am going to be too much of every part of me so that there is no one else like me.

I am going to continue to make a difference in the lives of my family, friends and students by being exactly who I was designed to be;

a person who cares too much and gets hurt sometimes but more often than not has true soulful connections,

someone who is too sensitive to others needs that sometimes she forgets her own but is learning that time for yourself is also important,

someone who is too serious because she has a child to raise well and students to grow,

someone that takes risks and not afraid of rejection because I value and seek meaningful connections in hopes of finding a lasting one.

So I am taking my self back,

I am going to be proud to be too much,

in a world where there are too many people changing,

chaning to meet societies demands of who it thinks they should be.

I am going to be the sun that shines too bright,

through every cloud that comes my way,

even if a cloud dims my light I will always come back to shine brighter.