Trapped

Wed, 07/30/2014 - 02:24 -- tyannaj

Location

No, I don't wanna go where everybody knows my name, I don't wanna go where everybody glad to see me, this isn't cheers, I wanna go somewhere I can find me, I'm not tryna define me, I not a definition in a book full of non purpose words, I'm just tryna find my purpose just wanna little piece and quite, just to revive my sanity cause it's like somewhere throughout this hectic life of mine I get a lost, and when I get lost, I start to lose myself, I just wanna go somewhere were No one knows a thing about me, I just wanna start over, and not have to be reminded of the constant feeling insecurity and the pain that comes along with it, for once I just wanna be free, free of the stress, free of the mess, free of the thought that I have to be someone I'm not, and I know it all sounds cliche but the day I walked away it felt like mountains moving inside me, my stomach turned from the thought of me just tryna move on from a life that I was so accustomed to, it had me feeling like I was killing myself, I was just trapped inside myself, I couldn't get past the pain and the hurt that was inside of me, it was like I was tryna revive a dead body from grave, it was clear to see that I was already gone, and there's no treatment or medicine that can heal the imperfections that were only visible to me, and I know they say you never really experience pain until your looking at yourself in the mirror, tears pouring down your face as you constantly tell yourself to be strong... but, do you know what it's like to look in the mirror and see absolutely nothing?
No worth, No value, No morals, No nothing? Looking at the outside, tryna figure out what's going on on the inside, These scars are too deep to be mended, and I know they say time heals all, and maybe that's all that I need but I think my clocks ticking a little too slow and I rather get hit by a bus than to feel this excruciating pain of being nothing, Im still trying to exscape, but I feel like a prisoner doing 20 to life, there's really no reason to be here so I say forget it, what is life?
I thought it happiness and enjoyment and I know comes with a few struggles but I was willing to go through it all just to have that moment of inner peace that I was trying so hard to grasp onto and I thought that I could handle it, I thought I was finally strong enough but I guess I thought wrong and now there's no need to correct me if I'm wrong cause by the time you finish reading this I'll already be gone...

Guide that inspired this poem: 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741