Trapped (The thoughts inside a damaging relationship)

Where am I

Surrounded by more people than I can count but feeling lonelier than if there was no one

My surroundings look familar but circumstances seem tainted

What am I doing

Stretching forward into my future but bounded by the straps of my past

Pulling, fighting, cutting for my dreams, just to breath without taking the breath of another

My schedule gets tighter, stakes get higher, the world begins to spin while i- like an overworked waitress-try to balance all the plates of life just trying to earn a tip 

and then…

Even the idea of his company suppresses the stresses of the superfluous stings of societies pull (He's made it feel this way, forced me to feel reliant of the love I so scarcely receive)

A few mistakes and learning curves keep young lovers parted like low tide: drawn to the upper shore but no chance for the waves sweet dance along the shores edge (Is this for the better? Am I being protected? Why do I fight this protection?)

Months past, soon to past over year and yet feelings not only linger but unhealthily encompass ones heart past the point of recovery.

Misunderstood minds, Misguided morals, Mislead matters and there she (I) stands, standing like she once stood in a manor all her own but this time it's different...

No longer does she stand supported, but separated and split.

For what she once stood so tall for, has her trapped and split her in two- 

Love

Love for her family and love for another

Her family is a part of her, her limbs, her breath, her roots

Her whole life she has strived to makes them happy and proud but there comes a time when she must branch off and find the life that's right for her, that feeds her own happiness- right? (or is this just what I am feed to believe?)

why does all that I think is right, feel so wrong...

The love of a family is so pure one could not simply walk away from it,

but to miss out on this love of another would taint the life with regret and cage it from more. . (or is that feeling of regret actually a feeling of relief: she's so scared to stand on her own because of the life that has been teared down around her by him)

What to do,

haunted by dissonance

she's trapped by the harsh workings of fait, misunderstanding, and ignorance. 

I'M TRAPPED