To Travail

I once found a spot
A place where sanity stood still
I got a rope and tied it down
Round and round and round it went
Each piece held tight
No room for screws to loose and fly
One end of the rope clutched in my right hand
A fist reigning with the strength of desperation
Trying to force the presence of sanity
Over time the water called my name
And anxiety stole my left hand away
A deceptive urging said,
“It’s okay.
It’s okay to go for a swim.
You are so tired,
Your shoulders so heavy,
Your heart so full.
It’s okay to take a break.
Rest in me.
It’s okay to drown.”
My right hand grew tired
Yet in it a string that was once a rope stayed
A single shred of sanity whispering,
“No, run, get away!
Run away while you still understand,
Before anxiety becomes a familiar friend.”
The culprit led me down the dock
With every step the waves, they tossed
And a growing voice coaxed,
“Jump off
Life would be so much easier if you dove into the deep and never came up.”
With one final shove it pushed me in
Under the crashing waves I went
All but pain was torn away
And a single thread in my right hand

~
This is depression
Pacing the mind
Stretched on every side
Drowning in
Fear
Anger
Lies
A sliver of sanity trying to make you recognize
This fake reality characterized by
Oppression
Doubt
Hopeless cries
All the while you try to decide
If life is really worth living when you don’t feel alive
Because maybe
Just maybe
You are already crazy
The thought comes in that maybe
You are not worth saving

~
I tried to let go of the rope
I admit
I wanted to give up on myself before anyone else did
But my fist held fast around that thread
Stuck in a molded position that whispered,
“Hold on”
And then I was flying through the waves
The keeper of my sanity pulling me free
Over and over he said that he would
Not
Give up on me
“You may be a broken reed,
But you are
Loved
Cherished
Mine” he vowed
Out of the water I came
Surprised to see there was no dock
We only stood upon a solid rock
I found the waters, he had calmed
There he breathed Life into me
Through his eyes I saw true reality
I searched and I realized
All anxieties, he carried for me
To him, they were nothing
To me, He was everything

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