Tremble

When I was eight years old, 

A child whose life was truly just beginning, 

I felt as if the world were at my fingertips. 

Chasing boys I liked around the playground, 

Digging holes to the opposite ends of the Earth with my friends, 

Life couldn't have seemed more perfect. 

When I was twelve years old

I began to understand that I was one person

Out of the billions inhabiting this planet. 

I began comparing myself to other girls.

The way my eyebrows touched, 

How wide my thighs were, 

My crooked teeth which I hid behind a closed smile. 

When I was fourteen years old, 

My life was seemingly in shambles. 

"Why am I so sad?"

"Shouldn't I love myself like everyone else?" 

"How come everyone tells you you're so great when you just aren't?"

I contemplated leaving this world on a white glowing rocketship, 

The love for my family preventing me from doing so.

When I was sixteen years old, 

Two family traumas left me with emotional scars. 

I was both physically and mentally effected, 

Losing eight pounds within a week, 

Only distracting myself with my job and school,

Barely talking to my friends, 

Hardly being able to sleep at night. 

Unexpectedly,

My hardest time was what motivated me to ask for help. 

Here I stand, at eighteen years old. 

I look back at the person I once was, 

A young girl who wasn't sure how to handle her mental health. 

Despite my struggles, 

I never let it get the best of me. 

I always have remained kind to others, 

The relationship I hold with my family has never been imperfect.

Managing my personal life has been a challenge, 

But I remain on the path to graduating high school, 

Attending college, 

And starting my future. 

Depression and anxiety are not my enemy, 

Because they have helped me discover the best parts of myself. 

The ten year journey to self-love has not been easy, 

Some days I feel that I haven't reached my destination. 

Road blocks are a constant, 

But not impossible to avoid. 

Never would I have thought that my answer to what motivates me the most, 

Would be myself. 

Some days I find myself still trembling, 

But the shakiness is what makes you stronger.