The Trembling, Rambling, Just Her

Mon, 12/01/2014 - 00:16 -- Destark

Rapid breath

       Trembling hands

All signs I’m scared

 

Standing here 

                       In front of them

I reach for my security blanket

 

When it’s not there

         I panic

    I can’t touch it

            Push it

                 Hold it

Where is it?

 

When it’s there

 I move it

  back into place

   even if it hasn’t fallen

                             far

                           down

                        my nose

 

And after I am just her

The         shy         girl

The        quiet        girl

The        new         girl

 

But I’m really not just her

       I am just scared

 

Judgment in the eyes

Of peers pierces my soul

 

Makes it hard for me to 

 

Bad thoughts, assumptions

That     I’m         mean

That     I’m        stuck up

That     I’m      a female dog

It doesn’t make sense

                                  I know, I’m

                         ‘Mind reading’

                 ‘Fortune telling’

         Being unrealistic

 

But the fear is real,

    It’s paralyzing

 

Behind my square shield

I’m more than 

The      quiet      girl

The       shy       girl

The      new       girl

 

Behind it I’m 

The singing girl

    The writing girl

The story girl

 

Behind it I’m 

   The happy girl

          The empathic girl

                    The honest girl

 

Behind my square frames

My large square glasses

I’m a girl

          longing 

                   for 

                      companionship

 

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