Trick or treating?

why am I the one in the driving seat whenever things go south? where was my conscience when l let those words flow out? what is it, control or self-control that I lack? Perhaps its both? is all of this really my fault? did you never mock me? is that what I thought of myself? did I let my insecurities get the better of me, or are you better at controlling me? did you sow all of these thoughts in me? am I still stuck in the vines or have I become who I truly want to be? why am I still thinking about this, didn't I decide that I did the right thing for me?