Tricky Trichotillomania
Location
I try to control this urge,
To not lift my hand up to my head.
Waiting for this feeling to submerge,
For if I pull I'll for sure regret.
Can't keep my hands still,
I must find something to do.
It's like my body acts against my will,
Maybe I can pull just a few.
Small calluses line my thumb and finger,
Short, coarse hairs border my hairline.
A feeling always seems to linger,
That I am abnormal and not fine.
My brain tells me I will feel glad,
But only once I pull.
I see the mirror and get mad,
This is such a bunch of bull.
I want my hair to grow beautiful and long,
But my fingertips just can’t resist.
I feel like I am no longer strong,
My fingers grab a hair and make it twist.
An angry voice tells me to stop,
I clench my other hand into a fist.
Just wanting my fingers to let the hair drop,
I feel the hair come out my head and I get pissed.
This is the reason I hate going to a hair salon,
I feel like an ugly duckling.
All I want is to be a beautiful swan,
Trichotillomania is why I have been struggling.
It’s no easy subject to address,
Since not everyone understands.
I pull my hair when I feel stress,
Explains why on my floor are all those strands.
I stare at the mirror,
And observe and play with my hair.
I become more and more bitter,
For now there are parts on my head that are bare.
I try to hide the bald spot,
And make sure that no one else can see.
Being able to keep hiding the spot is a long shot,
But for now the only one that can know is me.