Triggered

It was a long day at work I went to see my fiance It was a nice time I started to relax He brought up a question A gift he wanted to buy me I got two options I said they cheaper one is fine He said a few things that got tuned out After I heard the words I never wanted to hear from him Cheap, simple basic.... Triggered I understand I don't like experience things when the $ can be used for other important things But to be called cheap... Made me think... Do I look cheap? Do I dress cheap? Do I not put enough effort? Then the word simple.... I'm the one who has stories to tell.... I'm the one who tries to live to the fullest everyday.... I'm the one who has friends.... Is it wrong to slow down every now and again? Is it wrong not wanting to do anything after a long stressful day? Is it wrong to like the same things and not really change things? The the word basic... He said I said simple because it's better word then basic.... I'm sorry what? I'm basic now? Have you met my friends? Have you talked to my family? I'm considered the crazy will try anything person I do random things Suggest to act like kids to break the illusion of being a perfect adult..... I may have slowed down from my crazy years... But that's because I'm ready to settle Settle into a nice life with someone I can share things with... If anything your everything you just told me I was... No stories.. Always home ... Never choosing to go out and do something... Always on me... No friends.... Doesn't try to go out ... Doesn't start a conversation.... I may not know jokes but I know how to communicate... Triggered Reminded me of my past relationships... I wasn't allowed to do anything... Was a prisoner in my own home... No one to talk to... Nothing to do... Be a good house wife.... But get a job to support them... Everything I did was wrong.... I asked for to much... So I learned .... Not to talk to so many friends... Not to go out.... Not to ask for anything... If I did had to be cheap... I learned to live a life I hated..... My room, my bed became my world.... So excuse me if I'm always laying down and watching TV after work.... How I just want to sleep.... Sleep was the only way out of the nightmares I had to wake up to... I learned to repeat a life style... So forgive me for taking forever to break that cycle... But I am not cheap you make me sound like I don't take care of myself.... I am not simple... I live the life I want if it's going out for a drive going to a bar or staying home it's my life... I'm not basic I see the word in color I usto see it in black and white because of my past relationships So sorry if I seem freaked or calm when you expect me to react I am not any of those things.... I am not an object.... I'm not someone you can talk down too... Look at yourself first before you say things to others..... ....... .... ... .. . Ok I'm back to reality... I see the look on your face... You understood you fucked up.... You understood you said the wrong things... You apologize and said it's not how you meant it to come out... I got up crying and said I know.... I'm going how to relax and clear my mind.... I don't want to look at you... For all that I just thought ... I might say... I got triggered.....