True to Myself
I spent so much time stumbling through my life
"This is how it is"
Years missed
Friends lost
"This is how I am"
"I'm antisocial"
"I'm shy"
then "I'm lazy"
"I'm irresponsible"
THIS. IS. WHO. I. AM.
It sounds like something I'd enjoy
But I won't, I never do
Every invitation an imposition
Every obligation overwhelming
Every relationship a strain,
draining what little motivation I have remaining
Nothing's ever wrong
never angry or sad
or frustrated aggravated irritated
only ever ennervated
Nothing's ever wrong
No fights, no bullies, no undue or unmanageable hardship
There's nothing wrong
It's just me that's not right
"Unmotivated"
"Disappointing"
"Wasting your potential"
Nothing to stop me
Nothing to hold me back
just my "personality"
THIS IS WHO I AM
I won't acheive anything
I don't particularly want to
no goals or aspirations
no skill or motivation
no desire
no will for anything
so stop
Stop going to class
Stop talking
Stop eating
no urge to die
no urge to live
Intervention
Medication
Consultation
Fury fury fury fury
Painful sobbing
screaming in rage and in fear and in sadness
screaming in delight and in excitment and in passion
Maybe this isn't who I am on my own
But I'd much rather pretend to be her
Live through her filter
Than continue as me.
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