Trust

Every time.

Because of you I think of it.

Hot pink rope bit into my wrists.

Panic seeped through my skin.

Because when I said our safe word,

you decided to keep going.

Forcefully pressing between my legs

you effectively shattered my perception

of a loving older brother.

You chipped away at me.

Ever so slowly wearing me down;

without me noticing the cause was you

whether you realized it or not.

You manipulated me,

molded me to be what you wanted

until I was nothing and you were my god;

whether you realized it or not.

You broke the most important thing to me.

“Oh, c'mon, we haven't even started”,

trying to switch the blame around

whether you realized it or not.

Ever since, it's been ringing through me;

echoing in my entire being,

telling me to watch my back

whether you realized it or not.

Healthy and safe were blatant lies

whether we realized it or not.

But now I know, now I realize:

compassion, honesty, joy, respect

trust.

These become the colorful array of love

that I finally experienced;

and despite everything,

I hope one day you find

some one to help you realize this too.