The Truth. And nothing but the Truth.

I want the truth, nothing but facts,

But lies hold their own, as they build into stacks.

I thought we were close as a family could be,

My spirit now curls, chest tight to both knees.

Though some may choose death by lethal injection,

My death pain feels worse, cast out, total rejection.

Darkness and sadness, got nothing to say,

Abandoned, I ponder, what caused such betray.

The "I don't know whys," the "ifs" and the "buts,"

Ensure my pain and death are by one thousand cuts.

I slowly bled out what once was my soul,

Resigning my life, "Will I ever be whole?"

Hollowed out "sorries," empty way overboard,

Please clean up the lies, like a dry-erase board.

Coldness & malice stab wounds, so they ooze,

Doors slammed in my face; I want the strongest of booze.

But kneeled, on bent knees, I begged for God's grace,

Let forgiveness work, gossip's ugly disgrace.

Hearsay and slander, became gospel truth.

Meanness and mocking, akin that of my youth.

Hostility and resentment spun fiction and fables,

I wanted the courage to turn back the tables.

But desire to move on before returning to dust,

Risks trap doors, belittlement, a venomous mistrust.

Whimpers and cries, weaker sounds of affliction,

Screams of despair, backstabbing voiced my crucifixion.

With my life so unraveled, years far from my youth.

Older, afraid, spirit broken, alone, "can I handle the truth?"

When someone asks, "how are you feeling?"

Not knowing the answer, I focus on healing.

Stand still, move on, or spiritually flow?

Shattered self-esteem may never let me grow.

Unanswered questions haunt hopes for sense of belonging,

Torment, poison, a hardened heart to surrender, give up to this vile talk-of-the-town wronging.

Nightly prayers, answer me, release my soul from this curse,

God show me the truth, can dishonored reality prove much worse?

I'm sure it can, God pull my soul from this rut,

I want the Truth. And nothing but.

Dan Phillips