The Truth Is (Warning: Video Contains Curse Word)

(The video is slightly different that what is written) Black hole, destroying the soul From the inside- Out the door I crawled away from you I only looked back twice just to find your devices playing on repeat I’m tired of defeating myself Again and Again And again just to prove my imperfection I don’t make sense But in my defense I’m only just like you Only not at all And as I watched you fall Into the clutches of a man who Desired nothing more than to see me cry I choked up my heart in disgust Trust became a stutter and my heart was misplaced in an ice chest filled with cheap beer and bits of grass. I’ve asked God for answers To unfinished questions No, I do not take suggestions so put your hand down. It’s my turn I’ve heard it all, and this time I refuse to soak in those religious juices you feed off so well I have no need of your Useless encouragement The nourishment Abandoned that rotting meat long before you devoured it. And if you don’t mind I believe I shall be truly angry For ONCE In my truly blessed existence For in striving to not be What you are And be what you Are not I took the remains my heart And attempted to swallow it’s pieces Only to gag on the rotten taste Of fallacy. So everyone Give a round of applause for cynicism Congratulations Nihilism You Win A special place in my heart And though I try so hard to love you because I do love you, The need in me demands for expectation for the relation of brokenness Spoken without fear. And I can still hear The echo of your voice weeping in my ears Aching for something more But it’s not me. And I can feel the reverberations of God’s supernatural hand Beating, beating, beating, Down the walls of your steel armored heart And it’s not me. I’ve heard it said That the truth will set you free But the truth is, I hate each and every one of you I hate you because the truth is, I love you so much that it hurts. I stand bravely but The truth is I’m terrified Petrified Breaking at the seams I feel your pain because The truth is I hear myself in your Echoing screams The truth is nobody knows the answers and we must lie on the floor with our arms stretching to the sky, begging, “God take me! Because I am a COMPLETE and UTTER FAILURE!” And I can feel the supernatural hand of GOD Ripping open my wounds Squeezing out the bitterness The infection Of rejection And abandonment, the embarrassment of being A nobody Specially chosen to be A nobody Specially chosen to be Alone And I felt the supernatural hand of GOD push me off my cliff of Self-Righteousness into the valley of death, the valley of my brokenness Where I confess, that I am A nobody And you don’t need me. Do you know what happens In the valley of death, In the valley of brokenness? You die And God stripped me of my life Since I told him yes. At the bottom of this crevice, there is no hopelessness because Hope is all that’s left And hope marked you like a beat up sign Posted on the borderline of my resignation “Destination up ahead, just keep going” You were the evidence The proof that I wasn’t Believing in nothing That I wasn’t Dying for nothing that this war that I’m fighting, the wounds that I’m licking, this pain that I’m baring Isn’t in vain. And upon admitting defeat I witnessed the supernatural Hand of GOD Shatter the walls of your steel armored heart And I laughed at myself because God didn’t need me to help him. And now I am learning to die, So I don’t need you, to need me, to help you, to love me, because you see, We can’t, because The truth is We’re human And we hardly know how. I’ve heard it said that the truth will set you free and the truth is that the truth hurts and I am just a “Nobody” But that’s perfectly fine with me.