Should you open that beloved book of words,
Should you choose to see what lies within,
Should you find, by chance, a certain word,
Janus, it would be;
You would find not the god, but a picture of me.
For I have two faces, two lives, two parts of me.
I am forlorn, lost, confused, and afraid
Looking back on my yesterdays.
I lost my compass at an early age,
Had to forge on blindly ahead
For the others that followed behind.
I was sinking, floundering, losing myself,
But that is not what they chose to see.
My one face always looks back,
Back at that scared, little me.
I am fearless, excited, joyous, and ready
To take on the trials the future holds.
I will travel abroad to faraway lands,
Fight for my dreams to finally bear fruit.
I will love and I will lose, of that I’m sure.
I will meet new people, friends and foes,
Each one will help me grow.
My one face looks forward,
Always forward to those days.
So many paths, so many options,
Two faces and two separate lives,
But none that let me live here and now
Always seeing the future or the past,
Never able to see the now.
Always stuck with a foot in each door,
Never able to just be here.
A face to the past, a face to the future,
But never a face to the present time.
That is what the word Janus means.
That is what, and who, I am.