umbrella

I can feel that it's going to rain

Yet I don't reach for an umbrella

It's the calm before the storm that I really love

Yet our storm has already happened

And now it's the after affects that haunt me

It's the feeling when I rub my fingers together

The fingers that used to include your ring

It's the sight of my tan line that will never be replaced in the same way

It's the sound of your sobs in my mind at night

It's the words, the hurtful words that you called me

It's the knowing that everyone will think awful things of me

It's the numbness that seeps inside me

It's the hunger that I know I feel, yet don't want to relieve

It's the pain that I don't want to alleviate

It's the confusing whirlwind of hatred and love that is heartbreak

It's knowing that everything was my fault and that I can't change anything that's been done

It's that I was dating someone who thought such awful things about me as soon as it was over

It's constant rambling of I'm sorry over and over again

These are the things that haunt me

That's why although I can feel it is going to rain

I don't reach for my umbrella