Being a teenager is a temporary state of living.
Six years and it's over.
I stand and watch the other High School students
Walking by laughing, chilling, hanging out.
And I am jealous because I can no longer enjoy my life like I use to,
Just like these High School kids do.
I am barely 16 and I am pregnant.
I am unable to take care of myself,
much less able to take care of another me.
I stand and watch how the other girls
complain about having their period.
But I am sitting here praying for mine.
People always say I should've thought of all this
Before I had unprotected sex.
I wasn't thinking for the moment.
Looking forward to the pleasure
And now the rest of my life is
Full of thunderstorms.
I hate this weather.
I want to give up,
Take my life so I wouldn't have to bear this child.
No one ever thought it would be me.
I'm disappointing everyone, including myself.
I can't do it by myself!
People will call me a slut and a despicable person.
Telling me this will just make everything worsen.
I threw away my whole life for pleasure.
I had my life all planned out successfully.
I have to leave.
My smiles are all fake.
Pressures from parents, relationships, and school
were enough for a 15-year old girl.
Now to add another pressure,
I should have taken more responsibility for my own self,
my own actions.
I've heard so many stories about teen pregnancies,
but never have I related them to me.
Because it seemed too impossible.
Anything is possible.
I should have taken advantage of my teenage years,
considering now that I have no choice,
but to give it up.
Everyone is against abortions,
But most have not been in this situation.
God Please! Please, Oh Please!
Take this baby away
Remove it from my uterus,
My once empty uterus
Before I take it away myself,
Along with taking my own life
For allowing myself to kill my own baby.
Look at nature.
Look at all God has created.
I abused his mercy and grace by having sex
And now I am ruining his creation.
I am a murderer.
But I am just not stable enough to have a baby!
Not mentally, spiritually, financially,
but obviously I am physically.
Please take it away.
I know I should not have done it!
I will try God. I am trying.
I will give up any worldly desires that you do not approve of.
You made your point, God.
Please. Please spare me
Just this last time.
I say I'm too young to have a baby,
but I didn't think I was too young to have sex.
Now look at the mess.
My parents will hate me for disgracing the family.
I don't blame them.
I hate myself, too.
I can't tell them.
I have to run and hope that I meet the end of my life.
No more dealing with difficulties.