Unchain Me

When I look at you I see freedom I see a future and a path which could lead me to a happiness I've only ever dreamt about. The girl who bites her tongue who hates her skin and her mind, who curses her name, but you make my name sound so pure, so angelic, so beautiful, so romantic, that I forget my name for a brief moment's respite I am no one but the girl who made you smile the only moniker I'll ever need. I loathe the reality I'm left with when your smile fades and alone again I'm shackled. No, mother, I'm sorry I have an edge I'm sorry, I know I cannot be angry I'm sorry, I know I cannot speak my mind. No, father, for you I have no words. I have no respite from your cursed mind which damns the world, with me along to the bloody depths of hell. I'm sorry to the people who expect me to smile in pain who want me to succeed in the face of an adversary I have no care to beat who want me to swallow my words to choke on my tears and to use my thoughts like a noose and hang myself with them. But you cut that rope, allow my thoughts to run free, my true words to flow. You never tell me to bite my tongue or hold my breath until I'm blue just so I won't say an insulting word, you who has burned so many barriers down. But the final barrier I've built myself I have no one to blame but myself. The barrier is in my own mind, telling me I'm worthless and ugly that I'm not good enough. It whispers in my ear, reminding me that you deserve better. But then I hear your voice telling me that I'm the best there is and you wouldn't take me any other way, that you take my craziness, my self-loathing, my perfectionist ways, the way I can't smile properly for a picture at the right time, the way I laugh until I can't breathe and you can't hear me anymore expect for short, strange bursts. But still I held up my barrier, and yet little by little, by your guidance and your grace I'm letting them burn to the ground. So that tomorrow when I see your smile, you know the one, not the grin that crinkles up your eyes, although I do love that one, but the coy half-smile where your eyes, those deep brown pools turning almost black, stare straight into mine, daring me. Tomorrow I will be free to accept your dare.