Unconscious Destruction

Dear Baylin,

I wish I could make fix the patches that I created.

see these patches were created from pain and untrustworthiness.

I was filled with pain and terror because my old patches were never sewed together. 

I found you again and thought that you would sew these patches back together.

you tried and tried but i overlooked, and was unappreciative. 

My patches would never be sewed is what i thought.

I created patches in your heart because of that.

My pain of the past was relieved by bringing pain upon you.

My actions were based from confusion and anxiety.

Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. 

Sometimes its hard to see good in whats in front of me.

 When all i know is pain and mistreatment. 

Sometimes its hard to see that your trying to heal me 

when all i’ve experienced is destruction and deceit.

sometimes its hard to see that you are different 

when all I’ve experienced is the generalizations of women in this generation.

sometimes its hard for me to let go the lessons i learned from other women. 

when al i know is having my guard up because I’m always attacked mentally.

But i recognized that even after i hurt you you still accepted me back.

I understand that your my healer and protector against the pain thats inside me.

I’m willing to give myself to you because you know how to sew and will teach me

we will sew each other patches together as a team.