Uncontrolable

What if I had the courage to know what I wanted?

What I told you I was unsure, had regrets?

What if I never had a me?

What I take everything personally and

find offence at what I can't do?

What I were a torn person, with irrelevant time ticking

out of my veins because I never know what to do?

But if I was together enough to say what I felt,

rather than hiding behind something I didn't know?

what if I told you I was truly alone

and kept secrets?

**

What would your response be?

What if I said I had to think

rather than freely feel

because that's how I've been raised, trapped

in a controlled shell, waiting to

slowly rebel and break free?

What if I told you I was trapped in my own mind

What if I had no control and slowly let

that insanity

bubble and blow

and spread myself so thin that you could see through me?

How would you react?

What if I told you I felt

deeply and passionately

for everything I adore?

**

What if I felt so great as

to one day

I could take the chances I really wanted to?

What if I could control myself

all on my own and not have others

tell me how to feel,

act,

and what to do?

**

What if I could be me?

What...

Well, what if I could set myself free from all

these contraints that I feel?

What if I couldn't fee love or loss or joy

or fear?

What if I wasn't paranoid of everything

that could go wrong

and set me off?

What if I never had anger

that swelled up inside me

and explode on the page and into the world?

**

What if you really knew me?

What would you say?

How would you know me?

How would you know it's me?

How would you approach me?

How would you treat me?

Or would you even love me?

Would you love me nonetheless because of

my feelings that grow so wildly

while I try to free myself,

with you as my lifeline,

this being the first time I truly feel free

and comfortable

and content,

but unsure if I was content with  how I presented

myself or thought about

what I said

or acted like

after the deed was done?

What if I was free?

What would you say?

What would you feel?

What would you do if you met the real me?