Undecided

I don’t know what I’m doing

It’s a mantra that I keep overusing

How will I ever know

If I don’t let myself grow

Up and into my life

That isn’t just the insecure and indecisive

Me?

I let other people use my freedom

And I hide inside and become

This scared and paranoid version of a girl

Who will always let others change this world

While I sit at restaurants and panic

Over what to order and who to thank

And never try new experiences

Because I don’t want to lose those distances

That keep me safe and consumed

With the concerns of what if I ever have to leave my room

And be somebody?

It’s so easy for me to come up with all these excuses

That I’m not ready yet and it’s just all inconclusive

But the one thing I can recognize

I need to stop waiting and just jump out of this UNDECIDED box

And into real life.