An Undefeated Reservoir

My fingers are faucets

Fixtures that connect my soul to the materials I use to express it

An outlet for the words that hide just under the skin,

Scared of judgment

Tenderness, frustration, joy, grief drip from my over bitten nails like the blood when I bite them too short

So short that they sting to the touch

The flow of creativity slows to a drip                                                                                                                                             drop

And the sound of my voice is barely audible

My ears are vulnerable pipes

Unfortified entrances left open to the scrutiny of unfulfilled expectations

Other people’s perceptions of perfection break my confidence like a wave breaking at the shore

They leave me unsure

My weight, height, hair color, eye color

My genetic destiny attacked

So the walls are built

The entrances are locked and secured

I’m still unsure

Silenced is the praise of others

Because of all the shouts

My mind is a water tank

Its weight battling gravity to keep me upright

A limited space

I’ll remember how to calculate the acceleration  of an object in 50 years’ time

But I’ll forget the sound of my mother’s voice

Valuable lessons stepped on and forgotten as I ran for the semester’s finish line

Was I taught about equality? About love?

No

I was taught to perform, not to think

To be a computer, not a human being

My heart is a water heater

But I’m always the last to shower

There’s an apology

A silent apology for always leaving the water running

For people who don’t deserve my warmth

Who abuse it

Misuse it

And leave my arteries to freeze over

And then come back

For the cleansing of my heat

My body is a reservoir

It is an entity of its own

It breathes without instruction and beats without hesitation

My reservoir is flawless because of society’s flaws

And wise because of time spent wasted

I had to learn

                     to speak

                               to listen

                                     to remember, to think

                                                                  to preserve

                                                       And now, I’m indestructible