Under the pressure

Why do I have to be so useless? I can never so anything right. I can't please everyone and myself. Its hard finding a way to create something when you're having a hard time finding what youre truly good at... Mom says I have so much potential and that I'm wasting it because I'm lazy and unorganized.... No matter what I do she is never pleased. Its always "youre not doing it right" or "go away and leave me alone." I just want to make her happy and be proud of me. Is that to much to ask? All I want is a break. I want to be myself not just a shell of what she wants me to be. She always talks so great about me to others but when were alone its always, "you need to be better than your siblings youre supposed to take care of me and your father. How are you going to do that if youre a nobody?"....... I'm sorry I don't mean to be a waste..... I just want to be myself that's all I've ever wanted...... To just be me and not someone who just looks like me.....