Underneath the Mask

I am beaten, broken.

I have been shattered beyond repair by my peers.

I am a try hard who only wants acceptance in life. 

I bleed myself dry of the characteristics I claim to have.

I am my own therapist, one who consults the world before taking her own advice so as not to upset the umpires of her social life. 

I am a tag-team educator with my conscience, one who only wants the best for the world that surrounds her.

But unappreciated am I. 

I have been forgotten in the land of the lost, and oh what a trecherous journey it has been. 

If only they could see past my coat of many colors...they would be horrified. 

So quiet I must stay, quiet as a mouse. 

Don't speak. Don't speak. Three strikes and you're out. 

I am shy. Not from instinct, but from fear of retribution by the infantry with which I surround myself. 

I am fearful. Fearfully and wonderfully made, but I let that thought fade away alongside my confidence. 

I'm a goner. 

Deceived by my own thoughts, I myself am a goner. 

I made it that way. Not with purpose, but through the accidental carelessness of my emotions. 

Thirteen years go by and all that's left is my insecurity. 

Perfection in the eyes of the world I am not, but in the eyes of myself, even less so am I. 

Two years more equals an understanding of the realization of my reality, but nontheless I am me. 

I sit alone as I await my destiny, and I do wish to accept it. 

Though what can I do about it but wait along the riverside for a rainy day to drown out my tears. 

The words are spoken to a melody and they resonate so deep within my soul. 

They cut, I bleed, they penetrate so deep that my body screams from the inside out for a sweet escape. 

Three years pass and I'm still me. But a better one. 

I am becoming the me He meant for me to be. 

I am not quite there, for the journey is long and the path is rough. 

But I am on my way to victory, to overcoming my fear and releasing every inhabition. 

My fear overtook me from the inside out, but no longer shall I allow that fear to reign supreme inside of me. 

Who am I? Who is the real me? 

I'm a girl who's trying to figure out just that. 



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