Understanding

My mother went through struggles, 

Most I was too young to see

I didn’t realize how hard she really had it

Until her life became a reflection of me

She had 5 kids, 

five mouths to feed, 

five (times) the headaches , 

FIVE different personalities

But she handled life effortlessly 

She was the kind of woman 

Who could get knocked down

And bounce back like a rubber ball

She didn’t have much

But she made sure she gave her children her all

There were nights where she would go hungry

Just to make sure we were full

Times she wouldnt buy herself a thing

Just to make sure we were good

There were days where it seemed as though her love was misplaced

But- she was just-exhausted

Tired of fixing her own crown

Tired of wiping her tears

Before her children came around

There were days

Where I would catch a silent tear streaming down her face

And when asked “mommy are you okay “? 

I would get an “I’m fine get the fuck out of my face “

As a child, I was hurt

Thinking my mother was full of hate

That maybe she never meant to have me

Maybe I was just a “mistake”

I never realized how much she went through

Between taking care of her children

While balancing her health issues

On top of neither of her baby daddies pitching in to pay their dues