Understanding

2010

Lost.

Heartbroken.

Confused.

Understanding.

I just wanted to understand.

Why me?

Is it only me?

Is there something wrong with me?

Understanding.

I just wanted to understand.

2013

Mommy why is Dad hitting you?

I thought he said he loved you.

Mommy what do you mean don’t call the police?

Mommy what do you mean keep things to myself?

Why can’t I help you?

Why don’t you want me to help you?

Understanding.

I just wanted to understand.

2016

Love.

I just wanted to be loved.

He wants to have sex with me because he loves me

He values me

He sees everything in me that I see in myself.

Lies.

Understanding.

I just wanted to understand.

What did I do to make him leave me?

Why can’t I make people happy?

All I’ve ever wanted was to understand.

2019

Finding my way.

I still don’t understand.

But I do have an understanding.

It’s okay to be lost.

It’s okay to feel confused.

Understanding.

I continue to seek understanding.

Mommy I won’t stand in the way of your happiness

But I will learn from your mistakes

Love.

I don’t need your love.

I just needed to learn how to love myself.

I see everything I possess within me.

Whether you see it or not doesn’t matter to me.

I see it.

I may not understand what you see

But it is not my job to care

I did not understand

But I do now.