Unfitted

[TRIGGERING WARNING: SUBTLE IMPLICATION OF SUICIDAL IDEAS]

Unfitted for society,

What will I do?

I know nobody is fitted for this shit

But you cope with it, don't you?

Unprepared to earn a living,

That’s what I've learned I am.

I know no one can keep up with this,

But it looks like all of you can.

I know we're all screwed.

Squeezed. Exhausted. Exasperated.

I know you all feel like me,

But then,

Why am I the only one who just can't keep doing it?

Impossible to lead a straight life,

Not for being queer, but for being split.

I wanna pick a part, leave the rest aside,

But why can't I do it?

Invisible to the eyes of the ones who should care

If end my life and I leave 10 of you in tears,

No one else will know I was even there,

And so will go on for another 25 years.

I am terrified by the idea of the world taking my life away,

I'd rather do it myself.

But if I don't want those mere 10 people to suffer,

I guess I will have to wait.

I may starve, die frozen or out of loneliness if I stay in this shelter.

Or maybe

Maybe I will find the sense of it all, maybe I can find where I fit, how to live, how to cope, how to exist

Out of coincidence

While I'm wandering around my personal hell.