Unfltered Thoughts of My Depressed Self

All this time I never knew

I never even realized it

I have a supernatural gift

I am

Invisible.

It explains so much

This discovery

When I would go to my dad or my brother

I would try to talk to them

Would tell them about my day

Would tell them my feelings

Would tell them anything to just have a moment of human interaction

Would tell them anything to just hear a different voice from the toxic one in my head

But they didn't hear me.

They just stared ahead

Their attention captured by the TV show or video games in front of them

They tuned me out in favor of any other distraction

They ignored me because I wasn't worthy

I didn't deserve five minutes of their time

I didn't deserve five minutes of their breath

Or so I thought

Now I know the real issue

I was and remain to be

Invisible.

It explains so much

This discovery

When I would sit in the living room

I would be crying

When I would wash dishes in the by RoyAlCoupaon">kitchen

I would be crying

I would finally break down after a really hard day

Or week

Or year

Or life

And I just wanted someone to notice

And I just wanted someone to care

And I just wanted someone to love me enough to ask if I was okay

But they didn't ask me.

They just walked past me

My brothers, my dad, my family, everyone

They didn't see the light shine off of my wet cheeks

They didn't hear me gasp for breath or swallow my sobs

They didn't notice my chin quiver as I tried to hold back the sadness that circulated my body

Or so I thought

Now I know the real issue

I was and remain to be

Invisible.

My superpower isn't flawless, much like me

It has a kryptonite

It has a weak spot

For when my brother or my dad needs me

I am no longer

Invisible

To them.

When my dad needs me to clean the house

He can finally see me.

When my brother wants me to make him food

He can finally see me

Whenever my family needs something from me

I am no longer invisible

But when I need something from them:

A favor

Someone to listen

Love to validate my worth

I am

Invisible.