Uninspired

I am…

The person I was

The person I am now

And the person I will be

Maybe that means I am an awkward thirteen year old with too many ideas in my head and not enough inspiration to make those ideas something tangible

Or maybe that means I am a shy high school student with too much time on my hands and not enough inspiration to do something with that time

Maybe I am a stuffy adult with a severe bun and a chain on my glasses and squinty eyes with too much loneliness and not enough inspiration to change whatever went wrong with my dreams

Maybe later on I will be an old grandmother with too much yarn and knitting needles and not enough inspiration to make anything other than simple scarves

Maybe I am a spoiled child with too many books and not enough inspiration to write my own                    

Maybe I am a quiet withdrawn teenager with too much potential and not enough inspiration to make that potential into something I can pay the bills with

Maybe I am a lonely adult with too many experiences with people who don’t care enough and not enough inspiration to do something I care about

Maybe I am an old woman with too many wrinkles and old sweaters that used to mean something and not enough inspiration to do something before it’s too late

I have been called

Smart

(look at that 108% you got on that test! you got the highest grade in the class!)

Bookish

(wow you go through one book a day! how have you not gone through the whole library yet?)

Lonely

(you mean you don’t have anything to do this weekend?)

Awkward

(he’s been looking at you for the past ten minutes. you should go talk to him!)

Kind

(oh you didn’t have to carry that for me! i can handle it by myself)

And even lost

(how will you ever remember where home is, if you don’t even know how to get out of the development?!)

But none of them really tell you who I am

Because I am more than

Smart

(less now that I am in average classes and no longer pull ahead of my classmates)

Bookish

(i do love books more than life itself and it is a wonder how I haven’t gone through the whole library yet)

Lonely

(my plans for the weekend include books, hot chocolate, books, a blanket and books)

Awkward

(I am extremely oblivious to anything outside my bubble of safety and security)

Kind

(what a bland word-it means nothing in the whole grand scheme of things; especially when you’re trying to squash your whole life into one word that will be your only gift to future generations)

And even lost

(because although I have no idea what I’m going to do with the life I’ve been given, I know where I’ve been and I want to be someone who has a grasp on things)

I am

Uninspired

And my house is already too full of knitting needles.