Unkissed

Can you remind me of what I missed
In the moment that should have been cherished
For my mind was elsewhere and smile disguised.
Couldn't focus because I am not a hedonist.
To not feel the same coldness and shock i wished.
Yet clenched were fists and confused were my wrists.
But it happened too fast for me to resist
I could have,NO I should have hissed
But was afraid to have you disappointed & perhaps pissed,
Instead of my comfort, it was you who I picked
Vision unclear as if atmosphere was filled with mist

This wasn't forced nor was I blitzed

I was in safe hands,myself I convinced

Panic, fear, warmth, love all mixed
Suffocation making it hard to breathe, insides in a twist
This wasn't how it was supposed to be, i should've felt blissed
..., I didn't admit...
....Maybe it's just ...
After I pulled away,instantly it hit
Eyes wide open, filled with remorse and guilt
Is this how it'll always feel after we kissed?
I dont know about that but surely
then i  wanted to be unkissed :/