Unknown

Dear Self,

I have come to realize my truest fear;

There is certainty in uncertainty.

There will always be an unknown.

You feel it everyday.

Thoughts come in all directions;

The questions creep in

slowly.

Racing through my brain with increasing speed

  What if,

             What if, What if,

                                    What if, What if, What if

No way of knowing when it will

Stop.

Overwhelmed by the Who’s, and What’s, and When’s of life.

You feel in it every inch of your being.

Your stomach is pulled in every direction by an invisible rope

P u l l i n g tighter until your insides quiver.

Your chest is a heavy brick,

Pulling

You

Down

with every breath.

You know how to get through the day like clockwork.

You've learned to hide it well.  

Your actions don't reveal what is trapped inside.

But the thoughts are still there.

Are you there?

Are you your thoughts?

Do you fear the thoughts?

Or so you do fear the thought of having thoughts?

No answer.

There is certainty in uncertainty.

There will always be an unknown

But among the many thoughts that circle,

There is one,

One that I keep coming back to.

There is certainty in uncertainty.

There will always be an unknown.

But maybe,

What we do not yet know, will change us for the better.

And maybe, just maybe

We can shape our worrying into wonder.

I will not hide,

I will not be consumed in the confines of my fear.

It all stops.

Instead,

I will thrive in my thoughts,

marveling at the idea of all that is possible.