Unnatural

Once again Im caught at a standstill.

You are there at a halt. Waiting…

Why would you wait? Only Jacob and I were left.

The air was pernicious as we walked.

Once again things felt unnatural. 

We have only done this two times in the last three weeks.

Looking at him, speaking, walking easily, it felt wrong.

It felt like what I would call a sin. A mistake.

Why is it that I’m over him entirely yet at the same time I still think about it?

Just last night I laid awake thinking about his smile, the day we sat in that hammock.

How we looked at our phones. How he dropped it, got startled, and faintly recoiled his hands down.

I can’t forget times like that, because I put my past out of mind and only allowed myself to remember the fond moments, the important details.

I’m back to myself. Not hiding in my mind, though there are still times I walk Hastily to avoid seeing him.

Lately it hasn't pained me to look at him as much, though it's still there. Let's hope this feeling drifts even more than it has.