unsatisfied with satisfaction

so quiet and reserved

eww...an introvert

I don’t wanna talk

or look you in the eye

as if you’re less than human to me

but its just that I get nervous

and then you require so much

like perfection and then imperfection

so you could rise up above me

and then I don’t satisfy

and then I get those looks

of disgust, if you will

or maybe how I look at you

but its not intentional.

I wish I could change it

but everything about me is me

and I’ve been told to keep what was placed

there

as if I had the guts to remove bits and pieces of

the ugly

because I’m just a coward

yea, that too.

I wish I could drive it out

and the dryness of my skin

and the flatness of my feet

and the caving in of my legs

and everything so I could be that childhood barbie that still sits on my dresser

because she’s not human

and everything I’ve ever asked for is to be different

but they keep telling me its not right

and then they go and try to attain it themselves

and I struggle with believing everything they tell me

but I guess its for the best.

thats what she told me.

thats how I ought to think…

so sparkly and shiny and beautiful

but it hurts to look at the aluminum foil in the sun

perhaps that is what I should embrace:

the pain I cause when people look at me

oh how I want to be so obvious

can I change who I am?

because I’m drowning in the assumption that everyone is better than me.