an unsent letter to a highschool sweetheart

Dear ____,

Do you remember when my last boyfriend said he’d kill you if you tried anything with me, and then you took me to your car and told me to pick a place, that you'd take me anywhere? We went on that walk in the woods, and the whole time he was texting me:

“Are you with him?”

“Are you cheating on me you whore?”

I didn't lay a finger on you; you only helped me buckle my seatbelt. We never crossed the line. I could never do that. We talked though. We talked about our fears, and how you want to see me smile more often. I took pictures of you for your Instagram, and you posted all but one. The one of us together, smiling ear to ear. Then you took me to the roof of the mall parking garage, and we watched people pass us by, in a comfortable silence for hours. 

I broke up with him because he hit me. Hard. and I got with you because you cleaned my cuts for me and made me soup. You loved me. Do you now?

More time passed, and you said you couldn't do this anymore. I understood. You needed to get your shit together, and you couldn't love me in the way I deserve. 

Time passed again. We both have our shit together now. And you text me in the morning and at night. You know I love you, so why don't you say you love me? 

I fear that you don't.

You've led other girls on, what makes me special?

Yours,

Max