Until I Say

The system is broken

You can’t change my mind

They don’t look for the right signs and warnings...

And it hurts but I can’t

And you won’t understand

But I guess that’s the price left to pay

The news is just

Too hard to share

It’s not even your fault,

But I’m just not there

Not ready for the intervention

The sly remarks

The things they mention

Endless questions

Don’t ask me why

If I knew so would you

So why, on this dying planet’s life

Isn’t that good enough for you?

Yes I’ve fallen

Back into old ways

You wouldn’t approve

But it seems I can’t move

From the only person

That gives a single damn

What happens to me next

I’m told it’s getting worse

But I refuse to see it

Maybe it will go away

Leave me be or let me stay

If I don’t acknowledge

Don’t accept

Don’t fucking say

That I’m sick

And that I just might need some help

But it’s hard to ask

When the world’s still stuck

In the past where they tell you to mask

The difficult parts

The illness

The disordered

The things that won’t fit into their box.

There are two ways this could go, so

If I were to speak

If the secret had just sprung a leak

They could back away

Tell me I’m not this way

Or say that I need to stop choosing—

But that’s where things get confusing

Cause if this were a choice

Don’t think I’d have the voice

To allow it to smother my future

To make me feel like a loser

The alternative might

Seem less like a bite

Although I think it’s equally smothering

The words have not spilt

Held back by the guilt

Of making them worry about me

Of what I think they might see

If I were to tell you

The actual truth

I think you might fear for the worst

And then I’d feel truly cursed

And no one wants to be stuck

            This “help” isn’t the way, okay?

And, oh the luck

The luck that I carry on with me

That gets me drunk with self-pity

As I fall back to depression

There’s just no time for reflection