Until The Next Time...
Locations
My heart rate picks up, my scalp starts to tingle;
the flutter in my chest pulls all my attention.
My stomach turns, and I know it’s too late;
I don’t have the power to stop it.
The physical heralds the coming of the torment;
my brain opens up like red barn doors on a bright sunny day.
But next comes the torrent, the thunderstorm of thought;
like super-bowl contenders, adrenaline fueled, shooting from the tunnel.
Everything stops except the muscle in my head.
Around and around getting tighter and tighter,
like a million rubber bands expanding, snapping, shrinking;
like a million zip ties pulled, growing stronger and finally unyielding.
“Relax… don’t worry. Don’t think so much.
It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I should have helped sooner.
Have some perspective, everything will be fine.
What’s the worst that could happen?”
Small has become big; unimportant has become important.
What started as insignificant is now threatening,
and I can’t stop the train roaring down the tracks
a physical thing heading towards total destruction.
I see the way out. I know what I have to do.
There’s no room for shame; invite people into your world.
Once they enter they can never go back – there’s no return.
They are now a party to your complete insecurity.
Enough! What do I do? What do I do?
Just make the call, explain yourself, apologize.
Seek forgiveness and get absolution.
Finally - safe again, until the next time.