until the winter is over

There was a time when I cared a lot about you.

When I yearned for you to be near.

When I loved your voice

Your eyes.

There was a time when I saw the future in you.

When I thought I was happy

When I thought I could one day be

Happy.

But now I simply want you to leave.

Out of my heart

Out of my head.

I want to be haunted no more by the ghosts of what we could have been

By the ghost of who I thought you were

By the ghost of who you are now.

I didn’t love you, but I did

I saw a light, but I didn’t

I didn’t know who you were, but I thought I did

But now I know.

I know who you are,

And I don’t want it.

I want nothing but to be free from you,

From your grasp.

From everything you are

And everything you made me.

If you hadn’t taken so much of me,

If I hadn’t let you in

I would be stronger.

But no, I let you in, and now you know.

Now I don’t have you, but somehow

You still have a part of me.

And you have her.

But I have everyone.

And the part of me that you have

Is no longer me.

It was me with you,

Which was as imaginary and as false as everything we were

Everything you told me.

And so, with your memory in mind,

I’ll sleep

And dream

Until the winter is over

Until the sun comes out

 And I can breathe once more