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I remember the swings, the laughs, the songs, I want to remember it all. But I can’t. I hate, I love, I want, I need. I do not know how to feel. How am I supposed to feel, I ask. No one has the answers I search for. It feels like a hole Cut through my heart. Him him him her. The cheating the lies the fights. He gave up on life, he gave up On us. That’s not the part that hurts me. I hate the hate. I hate the love. I used to want to replay it. Now all I want to do is delay The feelings, the longing, the love, I say I remember the good, but the bad hangs above it. Like a cloud over a rainbow. I pretend I see the rainbow, but I can’t, I never will.