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My heart aches, its breaking with pain.
Every word that is spoken, every action that is made, is like a dagger.
Tears flow like a mighty river.
A voice in my head whispers, “don’t try to stand, you’ll only fall.”
Black and blue bruises that only time can heal, scar my heart.
I have always been told that I cannot – “It’s too ambitious”, “It’s too unrealistic”,
“You’re not cut out for that.”
All these voices whirling in my head, and with each passing phrase I take a blow.
I need help, but who is there? … Anyone?
I am going down … down, down, down.
I dream of fairy-tales, princes and knights in shinning armor.
But I wonder, are these dreams morphing into an escape?
And if they are … is an escape really an escape? Is it safe?
The more I think, the more blows I take, and the more I hurt –
The more my heart is in pain.
I cry every night, wondering, worrying about wether or not, even how, things will work out.
Darkness rises and with it comes fear.
A fear so unsettling that I can feel it in every fiber of my being, every bone in my body.
I am breaking in every aspect of the word, and I cannot stop. I see a future beyond this,
But why does it seem so far away? Can I hold on? I have to, I have to hold on.
I wonder now as I bear my soul, will anyone ever read this, ever see this?
And if they do, what will they think? Will this be just another random writting,
Or will it touch someone? I worry in both cases. If they regard it as jut another writting and throw
This away, then they will never really see. On the other hand, if they read this and it touches them
Then will they think that I am nothing more than a sad charity case? I am so fearful.
I fear everything, but most of all I think I fear the unknown. It is this fear in part, that causes much of my pain.
It is this fear unfortunantly that has determind and defined who I am. This fear, however, In no way defines my dreams and who I will one day become.
But for now, I sit here writing, praying, crying, and exposing my soul, hoping that someone will hear me, will see my pain.
Of all of this I Ask two things: Do you see? And if you do, what will you do?