Useful

Philippians 2:3 

³ Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility,

be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself.

Even in thought useful …

Today I write to move my pen ... where is the inspiration?

Just a need to fill a page … with ink and words, something deep

My thoughts are flat … just what is on the surface.

The deeper ones from inner-self … must be still asleep.

Maybe my spirit does not realize … that my body has awakened

and that my brain feels … lost in an atmosphere.

Maybe coffee helps … for my mind to be straightened,

but what about the Spirit … known to be everywhere?

Why does He not settle now … in the sanction of my inner?

Why does not He take my hand … and lead me to the place

where self-examination lives … I know I have been there.

A place that is full of marvel … to leave me in a daze.

A room that ever seems to grow … and is ever expanding

Inventories are kept there … stacked neatly in a row.

Labeled and categorized … in a process never ending

that makes me really wonder … who does want to know?

Some areas are lighted well … but I’m drawn to the darker.

To the place my thoughts are kept … its shelves bulging and full.

Almost out of space it looks … with carts still full and parked there,

with stuff to be placed and analyzed … to show me wise or the fool.

In thought I did almost everything … the good, the bad and ugly.

I stood for good and did the bad … as my temper soared.

I helped the poor and needy … and killed folks on a rampage,

the cheater and the gangster … the German and the Moor.

A never ending process … as my mind was brooding.

Driven by emotions … and based on sympathy.

Power for the taking … in my imagination

Judging every matter … sickly as can be

Shelf after shelf … my thoughts are piling up.

From lust to greed and power … caught in a space and time.

Things I despise in others … in thought I committed.

Adultery and murder … it seems all sins are mine.

A life time of my thinking … all kept in one place.

I move now to a section … where my words are kept.

They all seem to be packed … in soundproof boxes

surviving in their own power … without being fed.

Uncontrolled rattling … constant going on in

a large section marked … “Said without thinking”.

Next to it a section labeled … “Prayers not meant”

where fungus grows … and the floor seemed to be sinking.

How can I deny the evidence … that is piled up here?

All the fruits of my flesh … and the hunger of my nature

There must be a way out … Who can show the path

out of this maze of filthiness … made by this “lost” creature?

Face to face. Where is God’s grace? The door slams shut before me.

I did not know that room … where depravity played its part.

What if that door had not shut … and evil had grasped and held me.

Is that what happened in My-Lai (Vietnam) when darkness swallowed hearts?

Another room filled with crying eyes ... people that I have hurt.

Bitter tears now fill my eyes … as away I move and turn

from rooms filled with disappointments … I hope to feel better.

What a mistake I made again … now my conscience burns.

Is there not a room down here … that will make me feel happy?

All the labels point at self … churning up my past

Insensitivity, not caring … totally mean and selfish

the lists goes on and on … how long will this last?

I know that deep within … there is a house of horrors.

Where a simple law rules … called cause and effect.

All the things, I’ve said and done … effected other beings.

Given to me in trust by God … in heart and intellect