The Valid Other

My gender

is between my ears.

It is not

between my legs.

It is not defined

by biology or by my blood,

it is defined by identity

and by knowing

that I am not the young lady

you thought I would turn out to be.

My gender

is the person I want to go to bed as,

not the person I want to go to bed with.

It is not determined by my desire

to hold a woman.

It is determined by understanding

that while my body

may tell you otherwise

I am not a woman myself.

My gender

is the way I see myself

not the way the world sees my appearance.

It is not the skirt

that hangs in my closet,

nor the bowtie

I wore to synagogue last week.

It is the choice to shorten my name

to an androgynous "Em"

so that whether I am Emma

or I am Emmett

in that moment I am only me. 

My gender 

is a spectrum

not a rigid binary. 

I am not my mother's daughter

but I am also not her son. 

I am not one who can simply

"act like a lady"

or "fight like a man",

I am a person

whose identity is as complex

as as quantum physics

and whose life 

is a daily struggle to be understood.

Because my gender 

is other,

but my gender

is also valid.