Validation

Validation
This is the only thing I need
When I have it
I can finally feel secure
And only with it
Do I feel safe
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It's comparable to an addiction
It keeps away my demons
It makes me unafraid
I feel like myself
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When I have it I can rule the world
When I have it I can walk with gods
I feel strong enough to do anything
But only with validation
-
Without it is when I question myself
When I am not validated
I lose all of my confidence
That is when I'm scared
Very scared
Very afraid
Afraid of who I am, who I was, and who I will be
Afraid of what I'll do and how it will affect them
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But who are they?
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They are the people I love
I live for them and only them
What others say means nothing to me
But what they say is everything
-
I find myself living for others and not myself
Strangely living for others is for myself
Because my only joy in life comes from others
Because the joy of others is validation
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To see myself in their smiles
My voice echoing in their laughter
To see I have brought brightness to their days
Knowing that I made a difference
It's a happiness I can describe in only one word
And that word is validation
-
With validation I know I have value
With validation I know what I'm doing is right
I know that I'm not headed for disaster
I know I'm not wasting anyone's time
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If I am not validated I lose myself
Lost in a paranoid fear of what I don't know
Asking myself why I even exist
Wondering if they care about me
Or care about the effort I make
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If I stopped making jokes would anyone be there?
If I said how I felt would everyone leave?
These are the things I fear more than anything
Which is why all I need
Is validation.