VESSEL; a vow

It promises without condition. I am gathered here today, In happiness, in health, A wedding of a body and soul Living in unity without union, Though for many it is different. Silently working side-by-side To the point that they become one. With anger and with sorrow, For I do not speak of affection Or even of two creatures, Though I do speak of two things That often masquerade as one When it wishes to, or rather, Whenever it is able, but I am not able. I witness my continued failed joining. Hold it in until your cheeks Flush purple with effort I look at my hands, but They do not feel like my hands. They feel like the hands of a host To which I am a parasite. It rises like a tidal wave, Followed by a violent exhale, air gone askew And then an immediate gasping inhale Of clean, empty oxygen. For who, what am I Without that lethal soul But a vessel, unguarded, Left without control?