VESSEL; a vow

It promises without condition.
I am gathered here today,
In happiness, in health,
A wedding of a body and soul
Living in unity without union,
Though for many it is different.
Silently working side-by-side
To the point that they become one.
With anger and with sorrow,
For I do not speak of affection
Or even of two creatures,
Though I do speak of two things
That often masquerade as one
When it wishes to, or rather,
Whenever it is able, but I am not able.
I witness my continued failed joining.
Hold it in until your cheeks
Flush purple with effort
I look at my hands, but
They do not feel like my hands.
They feel like the hands of a host
To which I am a parasite.
It rises like a tidal wave,
Followed by a violent exhale, air gone askew
And then an immediate gasping inhale
Of clean, empty oxygen.

For who, what am I
Without that lethal soul
But a vessel, unguarded,
Left without control?

This poem is about: 
Me

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