Violent

The headache you feel almost seems like a mental attack. As if someone intentionally wanted you to feel this pain, for some reason. Or, are you just trying to antagonize someone else to protagonize yourself, to justify yourself? Maybe all of these problems are caused by your own doing.

You want to find an ultimatum, an infinitely-encompassing statement and explanation that answers every question you have had and ever will have, but of course that will not be the case. The duality of preferring isolation while preferring social interaction makes you think that you're doing something wrong. 

Stop looking for it in others, but rather in yourself. Stop waiting for the ultimatum to come to you. Make the choice to fucking move and get it done so you can finally, finally be done with this violence.