Visions

I. I always said I would live in a city like this when I was old enough to run away and not get caught. And now I live on a hill that overlooks the place I once sketched from dreams. Have you ever seen a dream turn three-dimensional? Have you ever watched an idea develop depth and shadows? It's a scary thing. II. When I was six, I thought I was psychic because I saw the slap coming before his hand left the print on my cheek. When I was twelve, I thought I controlled minds, because I could make people think I was fine if I rolled down my sleeves, and smiled, and told them it was nothing. I thought I was psychic because I felt the bruises before they formed, I went numb before my skin went blue, I always knew when it was going to be a bad day. Every day I made it through one nightmare only to wake up into another, I could tell it was going to be a bad day. III. But I've always had vision problems. Lay out a grayscale map before me and I'll see colors and places that aren't there, I'll see empires that fell centuries ago, I'll see oceans that dried up in the middle of the night. I see the rose before I see the thorns, I see the stars before I see the black hole that swallows them alive, I see the start before I see the end, I see the boy before I see the hole in his chest where something's missing. I have had four eyes since the third grade and I still can't see. IV. I predict that when I turn eighteen, I'll go blind. Even now, it's such an effort to open my eyes. I have learned to keep the things I want to see close to me, because you're not here and I am near-sighted. If I let you wander off, I'll lose your face. You will become fingerprint smudges on an old photograph, you will become a blank sheet of paper I'll keep trying to draw features on. I'm afraid that when I turn eighteen, I will stop reading minds. I'm afraid that someone else will turn on the lights, and I'll be forced to see the things I have been trying to hide. I'm afraid I'm losing sight of things all of the time, I'm afraid if I go blind, I'll never get to see another dream turn three-dimensional.