Voicemail Again

Hey Grandpa

I saw you again today

Less than an hour from your home

Where you raised my dad

And where you left him

And feeling the sweat drip down my face

I counted my blessings

Because I don’t think that

My friends could see where

My sweat ended and the tears began

Hey Grandpa

I miss you

Not a lot on some days

And more than is bearable on others

If you carried me before I could walk

Then how can I start another marathon

Without you

My life keeps changing

I think that I’m losing my marbles

They keep rolling out of my head

Into the jar on my nightstand

Full of little glass balls you had when you were young

Hey Grandpa

I wanna talk to you

About school and about my girlfriend

And about how crazy Dad has gotten

About how Ethan started high school

The same year that I finished

I could talk to you

I could get out a phone and call

No one would pick up

But maybe I would feel better

Hey Grandpa

Why don’t I remember your voice?

Has it really been that long?

And am I a bad person because the first thing that I think of

Is your fucking wheelchair?

Why is it that the last time

You gave me a hug

I didn’t know that it would be the a finality?

Hey Grandpa

How do I finish this poem?

I’m worried that if I do, then

I’ll be finished talking to you

I still have so much more to say

And so much more to hear

I want to hear you laugh one more time

At something I did

Hey Grandpa

Would you be proud of me?

Still in high school, not ready to leave

But pretty close

I was only in fourth grade

When you died

And I’m so different now

That I’m scared you wouldn’t love me

Hey Grandpa

When can I see you again?

When can I make the drive to your house?

I can drive now

So I’ll come over whenever you want

Hey Grandpa

I miss you