"Voicing Out"

"Do you know what pain hurts the worst? I could take physical pain all day, convince myself to accept it and think about other things while my body becomes numb and cold. However, emotional pain is worse. I'm all about emotions and my mind is twisted. There's many emotions bottled up here and there. You know what I hate the most? Feeling like a disappointment. I always feel like I'm letting someone down and the guilt eats away my insides. You know the saying,"you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't?" It must be true because frankly I can't seem to make up mind whether I'm pleasing myself or others. I thought I usually put others first but do I actually? Because if I did, why is it so wrong to be selfish and do what i wanna do. But wait, maybe it's not even that. See, I think I have a weird way of being selfish at the wrong times. And when I do, my decisions screw up my life each and every single time. And I can't help but shake my head and wonder," what I am doing to myself." PEOPLE don't you understand, I don't want to hurt anyone. Why can't you see that I'm struggling here to show you that. Could you stop judging me for one second and stop putting so much pressure on my shoulders. I am only 15 and y'all expect me to take care of earth while making sure all the other planets are revolving around the sun. It's so hard to be me when so many restrictions are across my chest. Why can't you allow me to be me?"