The Vulpes’

Her name and dreams left me in tears,

so bitter when she moved away all those years. 

It wasn’t her fault I was weak and fat,

a suicidal teenager in beanie hat…

No one wanted that… No one…

This Vulpes is intelligent, stubborn and kind.

This Vulpes never really left me behind.

This Vulpes I will love eternally.

But at the time…

This Vulpes really hurt me.

A dreamworld I was in,

when our journey was to begin.

It lasted as long at the drugs did,

from an intravenous drip.

So much I learned from this astral kid.

Assigning the title Vulpes to an imaginary figure, in time I’ve come to think of her as my spiritual trigger.

This Vulpes was mystical and sweet.

This Vulpes picked me up off my feet.

This Vulpes was imaginary… not real.

But at the time…

This Vulpes helped me heal.

This Vulpes was raven haired and sexy as fuck, everyone wanted her in the club.

So when she agreed to go out with me I thought I was in luck. 

We messaged, we exchanged saliva, we were as dark as each other,

but while I cleaned my wallet,

she was blowing my mates brother. 

This Vulpes was sexy, fiery and free.

This Vulpes was a liar, a cheat and a thief.

This Vulpes probably had STD’s.

But at the time…

This Vulpes almost brought me to my knees.

I disappeared to meet this one, 

held at the barrel of a metaphysical gun. 

The same aura yet very different,

billions of faces whispering shits and giggles. 

This Vulpes was fractal, spiritual and confusing.

This Vulpes was uninvited and intruding.

This Vulpes taught me more than any other,

But at the time…

I couldn’t see what you wanted me to discover.

Came from nowhere, I wasn’t looking,

given up on myself, insides were cooking.

I don’t even remember how it all happened, 

how our hearts became so blackened and lives so entangled.

Though the feelings still linger and we are no more, a shining light made by us will make us both no more, want to end ourselves in the worst kind of way, because he will now always be there, to take away the grey.

This Vulpes was brave, strong and fragile.

This Vulpes made me lose my mind.

This Vulpes completely broke me,

But at the end…

This Vulpes will always be my family.

For a moment, time stood still and she made the world seem like an indigo canvas, overflowing with half deaf dots and dashes, that complimented the Fibonacci she wore so naturally. 

Together we travelled the spectrum to reveal shades which left lifetime scars on more than just our epidermis, 

the ones that appear from their hiding places when we shattered the concept of breaking the surface.

This Vulpes is loving, wise and free.

This Vulpes somehow I no longer see.

This Vulpes so easily broke my heart in two.

But at the time…

This Vulpes I wasn’t ready for you.