Vying For Space

I want to be weightless. To be able to float up to the clouds. To run my hands through the soft, pale cotton, and dance among the birds. With the snow-white doves, the tiny sparrows, the graceful swans, twirling about, like colorful tops; forever beautiful.

I want to hear music. Each note on its own, moving in harmony, melody and perfect pitch with one another. Intertwined ribbons of beat, the slow, the smooth, the fast, and the wonderful. They flow around me, blowing my smooth brown hair all-around, touching, caressing the light skin of my face. Each song whispers with words that tumble out of my mouth, a waterfall of thoughts cascading in the air.

I want to see. Every snow-capped mountain, and shining sea. The long blowing grass, the quiet of the plains. Each drop of transparent water, warm against my fingertips as it moves gradually through the ocean. Fields of tulips, lush gardens of roses, and sun-lit fairy circles encompassing the red wood trees. All the animals coming in two by two, to my ark of life.

I want to love. Feeling arms wrapped around me, shielding the hurt and pain, making a protective cocoon. To be able to laugh, high and loud and free, with no regrets. Everyday knowing that you will never be half empty, to never feel the frigid loneliness that flows throughout the streets. The warm kisses, beautiful quiet, the affectionate firelight that surrounds the twinkling stars.

I want to smell. To breathe in the light scent of lemon, the sweet strawberries, and the bouquets of blueberries. Swirl the air with chocolate, vanilla and caramel cookies. Downy white laundry, fresh from the dryer, filling my mind, my body, my smile. Vegetables and Meat, Cream and Fruit, Savory and Sweet; aromas opening their petals and blossoming into the sun.

I want to feel. The rage seeming to make my eyes glow red, my fingers shake; the house a volcano of screams erupting into the night. The happiness that bursts fourth from my chest spreading up into the sky opening up the clouds and letting the sun shine through.

I just don’t know how.